


Need

by oooknuk



Series: Sufficient [2]
Category: due South
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-24 22:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10750875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oooknuk/pseuds/oooknuk
Summary: When the nightmare comes to an end





	Need

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All characters you recognize will belong to Alliance. No infringement of copyright intended. Not for profit. 
> 
> Warnings: m/m, language 
> 
> Note: This takes place after 'Call of the Wild' and is a sequel to 'Want'. There is a third story, Sufficient, which follows this and will be coming soon. 
> 
> My thanks to Moonpuppy and Beth for beta on this.

The normal posting for Baffin Island was two years but once I  finished that period at Cambridge Bay, I requested and was granted another posting to the much smaller community of Pond Inlet. I had every intention of continuing to stay in Nunuvat as long as I could manage. After Ray Kowalski's betrayal, I wanted nothing more to do with cities, America - or Americans.  I gained something of a reputation as a silent man, which suited me. People came to me for help, which I granted readily, but not for friendship, which I was not prepared to give.   Francesca wrote a few times, but my lack of response eventually deterred her, as it did her brother. The only person I willingly communicated with socially was Maggie, but I never saw her. She remarried and rapidly began a family - a niece and nephew I'd never seen.  For my part I returned to the life I had left many years before, before the death of my father, when the biggest town I'd ever worked in was still Moose Jaw. I relied on myself, my wolf and my father's journals for company. I cannot say I was content. But it was all I needed for my continued existence.

My solid work in Pond Inlet led me inevitably to the possibility of promotion, and retraining was offered in new technology after I had been on Baffin Island for five years. This meant a week-long course in Ottawa  and I was told to take some of my accumulated leave at the same time - and not on the island. Reluctantly I arranged a week in Inuvik and finally saw my new relatives, then flew to Ottawa for the course. I had some idea of possibly trying to get to my father's cabin for the last two weeks, although it had not been rebuilt and it had been so long since I had seen it, I wasn't sure there was anything there anymore. The course was interesting but being in Ottawa wasn't - to me, it felt worse than my first experience of Chicago. Mid-week, I was unexpectedly set at liberty just before noon due to an electrical failure at the conference centre. I was walking back to my hotel to read when I heard my name being called. "Fraser? My God - it is you."

It was Francesca  - a little plumper than I remembered, but just as beautiful, with twin boys in a stroller. "Hello, Francesca." Her children looked at the red-suited stranger curiously.

"I thought you were dead, Fraser! God, it's been like forever since I heard from you. Come and have lunch with me - you're not going anywhere at the moment, are you?" I wanted to lie and say I was busy but couldn't, so I nodded.

She led me to a small restaurant and once her two sons were supplied with pasta, we were able to talk over our own meal. "So, Fraser - where have you been?"

"I'm still on Baffin Island. Pond Inlet now."

"How can you stand that? Don't you miss people?"

"No, I can honestly say I don't. It's very beautiful up there. How's Renfield?" I asked, changing the subject gracelessly.

"Oh he's fine - you didn't hear about the stupid accident?" I shook my head. "It was in all the papers - he got run over by his campaign bus. Anyway, he's back in action now. We have our two boys and they keep _me_ busy, that's for sure."

"They look like you," I said politely, but she blushed.

"You didn't hear about that either, I guess."

"What's that, Francesca?"

"My six immaculate conceptions. You see, I had those twins for my friends and then Ren and I wanted our own, but he had this problem ... well, any way we used donated ... stuff, you know." I nodded in understanding. " And then _Time_ magazine heard about it. We thought we should just come clean and tell everyone so it didn't come out when Ren was prime minister."

I nodded again, wondering how long it would be before I could politely leave - the noise of the heated room was hurting my ears. My discomfort was invisible to Francesca who chattered happily as she helped her children eat their meal.  "You heard Ray remarried? That's my brother, not Ray Kowalski of course. I mean, he remarried too, but that's all over with. Ray's in Australia - met this friend of our cousins out there, fell in love, and emigrated. Can you imagine? He wears shorts now, he says - like everyday. Blech."

One item stood out in the stream of gossip. "What was that about Ray Kowalski?"

"You really are out of the loop, aren't you? Ray married this hotshot lawyer type three years ago, but she dumped him for someone else. You'd think he'd have learned by now to stay away from attorneys."

Hearing all these familiar names was like a knife in my chest, and waves of emotion I hadn't allowed myself to feel in years swamped me. I heard Francesca's concerned tones. "Fraser, are you all right? You look awful. Here, drink some water. "

I refused the glass. "I'm sorry, Francesca - to be perfectly truthful, I'm not feeling well. Would you excuse me?"

"Sure - but wait, let me give you our address." She pulled out a smart-looking business card. "You're at - what did you say, Pond Inlet? Great - I'll write."

"You do that, Francesca. Please give my regards to Renfield." She kissed my cheek and I was set free.

The news that Ray had remarried and separated should have come as little surprise, I suppose - he'd rejected me just so that possibility would be open for both of us. And yet I felt betrayed beyond measure - he said he loved me. He married another.

This should have been the nail in the coffin of my dismal hopes but once I started thinking about him, I couldn't stop. I missed him so much - I had really never stopped missing him, as a friend even more than as a lover. I had lost something so precious I had never found its like again - and all for the sin of falling in love with my best friend. Ray now had a relationship to distance himself from his brief fling with me - surely that would mean he could view me with more equanimity now. Was it possible that after all this time, we could reawaken that friendship? I had to know. After all - what had I to lose? I'd lost my self-respect where he was concerned years before. If he rejected me again, I would be no worse off, and now I knew I would survive the pain, in whatever fashion.

I made arrangements to fly to Chicago at the end of my course on Monday. All I had to do was concentrate on the seminars and lectures until then - something that required a Herculean effort. I was fooling myself, I well knew. Ray would not want to see me. But perhaps I needed that rejection to finally shake the longing that was my daily companion, to stop him being the focus of  fantasies I could never confess to anyone. He'd taught me to fear love - I wanted to lose that fear.

 

* * *

The 18th precinct was in a part of Chicago with which I was not familiar - I went there by taxi from the airport. I should have called first - I should have not been there in the first place, I knew all that and more. The last time I had given into my urges I had ended up drunk in Ray's apartment - every time I had let my heart rule my head, I got into trouble. I just didn't care any more. I'd spent five years on my own for no purpose. Ray had tried settling down and had failed. I wanted to hear from his lips that all the pain was justified.

I got a couple of curious looks when I asked for directions to Detective Kowalski's desk but was quickly sent to the right place. "Benton Fraser!" a woman called and then I was taken into an enthusiastic hug by Elaine Besbriss. "As I live and breathe - what are you doing here?" Past her shoulder I saw Ray lift his head in surprise.

"Looking up old friends," I said evenly then concentrated on Elaine. She looked simply marvelous - she always did, but she had matured into a elegant - oh, and pregnant - officer. Detective, I had to suppose. "You're working with Ray?"

"You didn't hear? Ray's a lieutenant and I'm his humble sidekick."

Ray left his desk and came to his partner's side. He held out his hand and I shook it. "Long time, Ray."

"Yeah. How long are you here, Fraser?"

His tone was cool, but not unfriendly, and I matched mine to his. "A few days. I was hoping we could catch up."

HIs look was unreadable but at least there was no hostility there. He looked old - he'd taken to having his hair cropped very short and his face was far thinner and more lined than I remembered. I realized I was secretly glad that the years had left me far more unmarked than him, and stepped on the unworthy thought. Elaine didn't notice the silent interplay between us. "Fraser, we're just finishing up. Are you free tonight? Do you want to come and have dinner with me and my husband? You too, Ray."

Ray nodded as I thanked Elaine and accepted the invitation. He looked ... wary, but not as if the idea displeased him. I began to hope my decision to come to Chicago had not been so foolish after all.

I went with Elaine in her car - Ray said he would meet us later. I was genuinely glad to see Elaine again - I had always been fond of her, and she had been very welcoming and helpful to me in my first two years in Chicago when it was all strange and difficult for me. She had made detective two years previously and was now working in Vice. Ray had been partnered with her a year ago - I got the impression her colleagues thought she was getting a bad deal but she couldn't have been more delighted. "You know Ray was always a hero to me, but don't you dare say a word to him," she said warningly, waggling a finger at me as she drove. "He was the main reason I decided to go for detective in the first place. Of course it's your fault I became a cop."

"Me, Elaine? I don't recall us ever discussing it."

"We didn't - but you just made it all so worthy and interesting - you were the first cop I'd met who wasn't burnt out. Suddenly I could see what the point of it was."

"And do you regret the decision?"

"Nope, never. I love it. Good thing I'm married to one though - he understands."

She sounded happy and I was absurdly pleased to have been so influential - I thought she exaggerated but the thought was pleasant nonetheless. As she got out of the car she asked where Dief was. "I left him on the island - he doesn't like Ottawa and I ... hadn't planned to come to Chicago."

That earned me a shrewd look but no comment. She introduced me to her husband, Joe, an enormous man who dwarfed Elaine but who clearly adored the earth she walked on. I met her daughter Elizabeth, a shy three year old. "When do you expect the brother or sister?"

"Four and a half months - this time Joe's going to take the time off so I can play cops and robbers, aren't you, honey?"

"Sure - can't wait. Corporal, I hope you don't mind that it's a scratch meal."

"Not at all - and please, call me Benton or Ben."

Elaine's home was truly warm and inviting - the love flowed between husband and wife, between parent and child like a visible force, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt lonely.  Ray arrived not long after we settled down to wait for dinner to cook, and when I saw his face, I could tell he had a similar reaction to mine. Two miserable old bachelors, I thought - what fools we were.

The meal was hardly a scratch one - apologies for left overs were the only clue that the food was not freshly prepared. Ray and Joe had a beer, Elaine and I stuck to juice. "Still don't drink, huh, Fraser?" she asked, and I found myself looking at Ray, who glanced at me but said nothing.

"No, Elaine. Even if I were tempted, Pond Inlet is a restricted community. Alcohol is not for sale there."

"We could do with a bit of that down here," Joe said and launched into a vivid tale of an alcohol-fuelled domestic incident he had recently been called too. As Joe spoke, Ray's eyes burned into me - I saw again that hunger that I had seen when he walked into Elaine's cozy living room. But this time it was directed at me.

The evening was delightful - I couldn't recall a more pleasant one in a good while. We relaxed with coffee afterwards. "Where are you staying, Benton?"

"I haven't arranged anything - I'm sure I can find a hotel." Actually, as it was pushing ten o'clock, I thought I may have left it a little late, but there was no point in worrying about that.

"Stay here, then - we've got plenty of room."

Ray cleared his throat. "Actually, Elaine, me and Fraser have got some stuff to talk about - why don't you come back with me, Ben?"

The casual use of my Christian name, and the invitation to a home from where I had been barred so emphatically more than astonished me, and I was aware I sat there with my mouth open for longer than was polite. "Is that OK with you, Fraser?" Elaine asked.

"Perfectly," I said.

Ray looked at his watch. "Well, we better get moving - busy day tomorrow. Great meal, Elaine."

"Yes, thank you kindly. And Joe, a pleasure to meet you."

We did the polite things and left the house. I looked at Ray across the roof of his car. "Don't say anything, Ben - please," he said quietly, pleadingly.

I nodded and got in. We drove in total silence back to Ray's apartment - not the one I knew before, but a much shabbier, much smaller place in a low rent part of town. Another story to be gleaned there, I thought - but not tonight.

Ray politely took my suit bag and pack and set them carefully out of the way on a chair. Then he returned to where I was waiting for him, standing mere inches from me. He raised his hands towards my face hesitantly, and seeing no rebuff, placed them gently on either side of my head. He pulled me towards him and closed his eyes as he kissed me. I let out my breath in a sigh - the sweetness of his touch almost, _almost,_ erased the memory of the bitter years gone past. I let myself be in the moment, trying not to think what this meant, whether this tenderness was prelude to another rejection. The desperate way he held me then, the hunger in his kiss, how he almost seemed to want to inhale me - none of this spoke to me of pretense and I wanted to believe that he meant it.

His hands began to undo shirt buttons and then to rub my skin as he gently moaned under my lips. "Please," he said. I didn't know what he wanted. I pulled him hard against me and his groin ground into mine. "Please," he said again, begging in a husky voice. He held me against the wall, pinning me with his hot mouth and his hands and his body. I wanted to free him from his trousers but he wouldn't move apart - all we could do was push and thrust against each other in an intense, almost painful ritual. "Ben," he sighed as he came, then his hand slipped between us, quickly undoing my fly and reaching for my penis, his first touch bringing me to completion. He kept his hand on me, and hung on me, his head on my shoulder, his breathing harsh and his skin sweaty against my neck.

"Ray..."

"Please, Ben - don't talk. Not tonight," he whispered. I stroked his head, more than happy not to talk, happy to delay the time when the years of unhappiness had to be discussed. All I wanted now was this - him in my arms. I had lived so long in a sensual vacuum that I felt more intoxicated than I had on  Scotch that night. I was dimly aware that he had roused and was tugging me. "Come to bed, Ben."

I pulled away. "I need to clean up." He ran his clean hand through his hair, and with an air of impatience pointed to a door behind which was the bathroom. I made hasty ablutions and found him waiting outside for me. He kissed me again. "I'll be two minutes - the spare pillow's in the wardrobe." He disappeared while I found his bedroom. Like the rest of the apartment, it was small and not very attractive but it did contain his old bed. This would be the first time we'd slept together in it. I wondered if I should strip right down, a question answered when he walked in naked. "Come on, Ben - get undressed."

He lay and watched me undress as if we had done this hundreds of times. He held his arms out and pulled me down to him, on top of him, and began to gently kiss my neck, my cheeks, the feel of his bare skin against mine flame hot. His hands roved ceaselessly up and down my back, exploring and claiming. His every action, his every quiet sigh spoke of long held need - but he had pushed me away all those years ago. We would have to talk. But not tonight.

When he had at last assured himself that I was real, he let me slip off him and hold him. He curled into me, his head on my arm just as he had all those years ago in that Tampa motel, and with a last tender kiss, he fell asleep, leaving me confused and happy and wishing the dawn would never come. But finally I too slept.

 

* * *

Ray's alarm woke us and was silenced with a practiced thump from his fist. "You have to get up," I said as he appeared to making no move to do so.

"Not going anywhere. Gonna to be with you today."

"We have to talk about this, Ray."

His blue eyes stared into mine. "Not today. Give me 24 hours."

"No, I can't," I said firmly. "You had your way five years ago. Now I need to know where I stand. I'm not some doll you can pick up and put down when it suits you."

He sat up slowly and moved back. "Look - last night, it didn't have to mean anything. You can go, I won't hold you. You do what you want." He looked as if he was going to get up after all.

"What I want is for you to stop lying to me, Ray Kowalski. I want to know what is the truth - last night, or now? Do you want me to stay or to go?"

He laughed bitterly. "Both, Ben. That satisfy you?"

"At least that's honest. Are you going to kick me out and accuse me of stalking you again?"

He winced as if in pain. "No. This time it's your choice. Look, I don't know about you, but I gotta get some coffee and call Elaine and my boss."

While he boiled up water and made his calls, I used the bathroom, having a quick shower, trying and failing to not remember the last time I had a shower in Ray's old apartment. He was still on the phone so I grabbed my pack and returned to the bedroom. Being naked as we talked made me feel vulnerable, so I put on clean underwear and waited for him.

"I asked my boss for the rest of the week off - family emergency I said. He's okayed it.  He's been on my case to take some time off anyway."

"The whole week?"

He sat next to me. "I think it's gonna take at least that long to sort this mess out. But if you don't want it, that's OK. I just thought ... do you want...?"

"I want - very much so. But someone mentioned coffee - does the someone have tea bags as well?"

He gave me a grin which gladdened my heart - I had missed his smiles so much it hurt. "Someone doesn't - someone can run to the store for your favorite breakfast though. Give me ten minutes. Muffins?"

"Toast will do."

"Still don't have any bread. Hey - better still, there's a coffee shop down the block. Would you like me to take you to breakfast, Corporal Fraser?"

"I think that would be delightful, Lieutenant Kowalski."

The light by-play and the prospect of getting out of his grim apartment lifted my mood, and we walked almost jauntily the short distance to what turned out to be a very pleasant cafe. I had never missed this aspect of city living, but it made a change from solitary breakfasts. He ordered coffee, tea and danishes and found us a sunny corner by the window in which to sit. He sipped his drink and smiled at me over the cup. "I've missed you, Ben."

I looked at him as if to say 'and who's fault is that?' but he beat me to it. "I know. I did all of it, I hurt you and fucked myself. Do you hate me?"

"Sometimes. Mostly I hate myself."

"For God's sake - why?" He was truly astonished.

"For all sorts of things. For pushing you in Tampa. For giving up and running away when I should have fought harder to stay. For not being your friend."

"But I wouldn't let you."

"And when, Ray, has that ever stopped me before?"

He shook his head. "No, Ben - this time you're really wrong. I did it all on my own."

"All right. It's all your fault. So what's changed?"

He stirred his cup and wouldn't meet my eyes. "You came back."

"And that's all? This is mere opportunism?"

I sounded angry and was becoming so in reality. Now he did look at me. "There's something in that - I wouldn't have gone looking for you. But I'm glad you're here. I ... I really missed you. I never stopped missing you."

"You got married."

"I got divorced too, did you hear that?"

"Why?"

"Why did I get married or why did I get divorced? I got married to a woman who liked me. I got divorced when she stopped liking me."

He said it as if it was of no consequence, and I knew he was hiding things from me again. I stood up. "Ray, I'm not going to do this any more - if you won't be honest with me, I've got other places to be." I walked out rather than attract more attention by continuing the argument in front of others.

He caught me up a hundred meters from the cafe. "Ben. Stop. This isn't easy for me."

I turned to look at him. "Do you have the slightest idea what the last five years have been like for me?"

"Yeah - I do. Because I know what it was like for me. Do we have to do this outside?"

"We don't have to do it at all, Kowalski," I said rudely and stalked away, not caring if he was behind me. How dare he play for sympathy? I thought. How dare he lie to me?

I heard him behind me and of course I had little choice but to wait for him since my luggage was still in his apartment. He let me in ahead of him, and I went to the bedroom to pack my clothes. He stood and watched me. "You've changed, Fraser."

"Oh yes, and why do you think that is, Ray?" I tossed the pack at him and walked towards him. "Would it be because my closest friend cut me out of his life without a word of farewell or regret? Would it be because he lied to me, betrayed me - told me he loved me and planned to desert me? Would it be because I've lived on my own for five years knowing that I would never love anyone again one tenth as much as I love you? Take your pick - it doesn't concern me what you think."

I pulled the pack from his hands and picked up my suit bag. "Ben - you still love me?" he said uncertainly.

"What did you think I was doing last night, Ray? You're the one who sleeps with people you don't love - not me."

He put one hand over mine as I went to open the front door and with his other hand on my shoulder made me face him. "I love you, Ben."

"Tell it to someone who gives a damn, Ray." He held me against the wall. "Now who's assaulting a police officer?"

His eyes pleaded with me for mercy. "Me, Ben. Me. I'm assaulting you. I'm talking to someone who gives a damn. I love you. Please don't go."

"To what purpose, Ray? What am I supposed to think, to believe? You told me you loved me years ago, and you took my feelings for you, and crushed them like this," holding up a closing fist. "You behaved worse than Victoria did - she was crazed by the need for revenge, but all I ever did to you was love you. Is that a crime worth ruining someone's life for, Ray?"

"I ruined your life?" He looked truly appalled.

"You're playing games again, Ray - you know what you did. "

"It was for your own good, Fraser. I really believed that - I thought.... I thought you would get over me."

"Not everyone has feelings that change in the breeze."

We stared at each other, both too scared to part in case this ended everything, but frightened to continue in case we added further hurt to the unendurable burden. He backed down first. "Ben - I can't do this with a gun to my head. If you're gonna leave, leave now. If you're gonna go the second I put my foot in it, we got no hope."

I put my bag down. "Tell me this - is there any reason to try and work this out? Is there anything here for me?"

He let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know - I know my feelings, but I can't make any promises. You live where you do, I live here - maybe there's no point. We could be friends at least."

"That would be something. All right - I'll stay, but one condition. No more lies, no more hiding. If I can't trust you, I don't care what you feel for me or me for you, I'll walk out. Do you promise?"

"Yes," he said unhesitatingly, then came and took my suit bag from me and hung it up again. He returned and put his arms around me. He looked to me for permission to kiss me - I didn't wait for him. Once again the feel of him against me was enough to remove all coherent thought.

"Ray, I can't think when you do that."

"So?" he said against my neck.

"So, we have to talk."

"You sound like a soap opera, Fraser."

"Sit **_down,_** Lieutenant," I growled at him in imitation of Buck Frobisher. He grinned and perched himself in his armchair like a school boy - a school boy with an erection and messy hair.

"Where do you want to start?"

"Your marriage. Francesca said it lasted only a year or so."

He looked less cheeky then, and regretful. "Janice - god, now that's a whole 'nother story. She was a friend of Stella's, can you believe, always had an eye on me, and she made a move. And I was down, lonely - feeling like shit because of what I did to you. She said she liked me, we dated, yadda yadda, and then after a year of that, she suggested we got married. I wasn't lying before - I did it because she liked me. I never loved her, never even said I did. I was her idea of slumming, I guess. She got bored with it after eighteen months - being a cop's wife isn't fun - and she met someone she really did love.  By then I'd given up my old apartment and when I went looking, this was all that I could afford. Rents have really gone up. But I didn't care."

"But why, Ray? Why marry for less than love?"

He shrugged. "Fraser - I love you. There isn't going to be anyone else. But I thought I could give it a try, maybe have kids, maybe we'd learn to like each other enough to call it love and settle for it. I'm 43, I'm not exactly pick of the crop. And I thought you were getting on making a life for yourself, so I didn't feel guilty. No one knew any different."

"It didn't have to be like that - you didn't have to push me away."

"I did what I thought was the right thing, Ben - I know you hate me for it, god knows I hated myself, but I really thought it was best. You coulda got married yourself."

"No one can compare to you, Ray - I didn't even try to find someone."

"You're a total freak, Fraser."

"So all this misery, all this pain - all for love, and where has it got us?"

"You in Mukluk land and me here," he indicated the dingy room with a wave of his hand. "But maybe that's all we can hope for."

"If I came back ..."

He shook his head. "Don't, Ben. Don't make plans, don't make promises. That's what got us into trouble last time. You're here for two weeks. Beyond that, I don't know - you don't know. I wasn't exaggerating the problems last time, you know. It's no easier being 'out' than it was five years ago. You've got a career ahead of you - I might make captain one day. Don't throw everything away," he warned, then said softly, "like I did."

"You threw me away," I said equally quietly.

I reached forward and tugged on his hand to encourage him to come and sit next to me. He lay his head on my shoulder. "'Sorry' doesn't really cut it, does it?" he said.

"No. But it's not all your fault. I didn't have to get drunk like that - that was stupid of me."

"Yeah it was - you worried the hell out of me. I thought I'd turned you into an alkie."

"I thought I disgusted you."

"Of course you didn't. I was mad at myself for making you get that way."

"You didn't exactly pour alcohol down my throat."

"No - but I coulda been the reason you cut your throat with that razor of yours, or used your dad's gun. When I heard you went home, I was pretty relieved - I thought you'd given up on me."

"Ray - there's something I don't understand. You knew you had decided to break things off with me before we went to Alabama - but unless you are an even better actor than I thought you were, I could swear you enjoyed yourself as much as I did. You weren't acting, were you?"

He sat up and looked at me sadly. "No, of course I wasn't. I felt so shitty about that, Ben, you have no idea. The only way I could get through it was to just go with my feelings and make love to you and be with you even though I knew I was going to hurt you. If it's any consolation, it made things worse for me too - I dreamed about that week for years. I still do. It was like being undercover as Vecchio - if I'd stopped to think about what I was doing, I'd have gone nuts. I'm sorry."

It made things better and worse, but at least the fear I had held all these years, that I had completely misread Ray's feelings, was gone. He looked truly sorry and I had no heart to punish him or to hurt him. We'd both suffered too much.

He lay his head against me again, kissed the side of my neck and stroked my hand, so gently, so tenderly. I turned towards him and pushed him back until he was lying on the sofa so I could kiss him, tasting him. "Fraser?"

"mmmyes?"

"Would you make love to me?"

I sat back. "Yes."

He stood up and held his hand out to me and pulled me up. "I'll get the things we need - wait for me in there?"

I stripped slowly, thinking about our conversation. We could go around and around forever talking about our mutual wounds from the past, but all that really mattered was here and now. I'd forgiven him - how could I not when he'd tried to protect me from my own ill-judgment in love? He had suffered as much as I, and he had at least tried to stay in the real world. I had hidden in a cowardly way.

"Still thinking, Ben?" He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me - I could feel he was naked.

"Not any more. I'm going to let it go - I just want to be with you."

He led me to the bed, then lay on it, spreading his legs in invitation. The lubricant and condom packet were beside him. "I'm here - take me."

I lay on top of him, enjoying the feel of his lean body under mine, so much hidden strength in the muscles playing there. "You've put on a little weight, buddy."

I touched his face. "And you've lost some."

"I work my ass off, that's why."

I looked down. "No, it's still there." I put my hands under him. "Still feels good." He groaned a little as I massaged his backside a little. I'd missed the feel of him, the weight of him and ... the taste. I moved down and licked the top of his erection.

"Aaah, Jesus!" he yelled, to my gratification. I did it again and then took the tip into my mouth, exploring the smoothness of it. He tasted more bitter than I remembered - perhaps age changed things like that. Still capable of appreciating my efforts though. I took my time, despite the hands in my hair and his none-too-subtle hip thrusts urging me to hurry up - I suppose if I were completely honest, I would have to say I might have been torturing him just a little but the truth was that I wanted this to last. I wanted to take this long missed prize and then to take _him,_ the way I'd fantasised a thousand times since we parted, our single clumsy experience of the act all that I had for comfort. I played with his testicles - so strange to touch another man this way, so different from myself. I could feel the skin draw up so I pumped him once, twice with my other hand and worked my mouth faster. I was rewarded by an incoherent cry from him and a gush of hot salty fluid. I was greedy for it, and probably milked him past the point of pleasure but I needed him, I needed this proof that this was all real and not another one of my vivid dreams of reunion.

When I lifted my head, he was lying with his eyes closed, a look of bliss on his face. I wiggled a finger in his navel and he jumped. "Still with me here, Ray?"

"Jesus, Ben. It's been too fucking long."

I resisted the impulse to remind him whose fault that was and simply kissed his lean stomach, the muscles quivering a little at my touch. Then I knelt up and pulled his long legs around my waist. He opened his eyes. "Do it, Ben. I want you."

"Then that makes two of us, Ray." I took my time preparing him, knowing it had been a long time since he had done this.  I watched his face as I penetrated him with one, then with two fingers. Sometimes, when I brushed Dief, I would hit a spot he particularly liked and he would shiver in pleasure. That's what Ray did for me, over and over, shivering, wriggling, his whole body telling me what he wanted and what he liked. I played with his penis as I lubricated him, and he pushed himself down on my fingers showing his eagerness for more. He groaned  as I entered him, perhaps not entirely with pleasure, but as I moved, the groan became a sound of enjoyment. I had to struggle not to lose control and thrust too hard - it had been five years since I had had sex, and nothing was quite like the feel of his tight heat against my erection. He watched me trying to rein myself in.

"It's OK, Ben - I can take it. Just do it." He pushed suddenly against me, taking me right inside him and we both yelped at the same time. "Faster, Ben. I want it. Please."

It wasn't the ideal position for frantic thrusting but need and desire could overcome a lot. I sped up until all I could feel was myself in him, and all I could hear was a continous sound of pleasure from him. My climax shook me - I had to close my eyes, such was the force of it. Too long - too long without him, too long without this. I put my arms out and he let me pull him up so he was in my lap, sitting on my bent knees, with me still inside him, his legs hooked behind my back. He had become almost hard again and I jacked him as he kissed me feverishly, his tongue probing deep and his hand in the cleft of my buttocks, playing and caressing. I thought he wouldn't come again, and he didn't, but he let me stroke him until my own penis softened and I had to move. He slid back regretfully and let me remove the condom, but the second it was disposed of, he pounced on me, this time lying over me.

"You could let me catch my breath, Ray," I mock complained.

"No, never gonna let you stop. Love you, Ben Fraser." But he did at least roll over so I could hold him and enjoy the afterglow.

"How long has it been since you had sex?" I asked him.

"About a year and a half. But," he said seriously, looking into my eyes, "that's the first time I've made love in five years."

"I understand, Ray. Me too. Well, the sex part too."

"Really? How come you don't explode?"

"Diefenbaker," I said innocently so I could watch his face change from horrified shock to the realisation of being had.

"You're sick, Fraser."

"That's a given, Ray."

He trailed his long fingers up and down my chest, almost tickling me, kissing and occasionally nibbling at my shoulder.  For my part I was just slightly stunned at how easy it all was, how the past pain had been shed like a snake's old skin, leaving us bright and new and shiny. "What's wrong, Ben?"

I laughed a little. "It's too good, Ray. All this. The last time I felt this happy was on our trip - then look what happened."

He rolled up on one elbow so he could look at me. "You don't trust me. You don't believe me."

"I... I want to.  I believed you before - both times. Now I don't know which was the truth - you saying you wanted me, or you saying you wanted me to go."

"They both..."

"Were, I know. I feel a little like Alice in Wonderland, that's all."

Ray frowned then rolled over to the other side of the bed and fumbled on his nightstand. I was somewhat alarmed when he returned with his gun in his hand. "Take this, Fraser."

"Ray, no ..."

"Take. It." I took it gingerly from him.

"Ray, please..."

"Just do it, Fraser."  I checked the safety was on and kept my fingers well away from the trigger. "Now I'm telling you, if I hurt you again, if I lie to you, or betray you, or in any way deny what I have said to you today, you take this gun you have in your hand and you shoot me dead, you hear me? Because it'd be a kindness - it just about killed me last time,  seeing your face, having to say those things to you, and if I ever have to do something like that again, I'd rather die. Do you understand? Shoot me before I can hurt you, please?"

To my horror, his voice was shaking and I realised he was right on the edge. I put one hand on his shoulder and carefully put the gun on the floor beside me. Then I pulled him close. I could feel hot tears on my neck. "It's all right, Ray," I whispered. "I believe you. I trust you. I love you."

"I love you, Ben," he said in a muffled voice against me. "I am so sorry for everything." I held him and stroked him, then turned his face to mine so I could kiss his closed eyelids and lick the salt away. I cleaned his face with my tongue and kissed my way down his neck to his chest. "Ben," he sighed as I lapped at his nipples. He tugged me up again and took my mouth, his tongue moving against mine in rhythym with his hand on my back, a long soothing action that appeared to comfort him as much as it pleasured me. We lay down, he turned his face into the crook of my neck again, and his hand stilled. After a few minutes, I realised he had fallen asleep. I hooked the fallen sheets and blankets up with my foot and manage to cover us. I couldn't get up without waking him, and I wouldn't do that for all the world.

He snuffled and wriggled in his sleep, and called my name, so he was not a restful companion. It was strange to be lying in bed in the middle of the day - strange still to be lying with him. I truly believed he loved me - but I still had no guarantee he would not turn his back on me if he thought it best for me. Yet, as he said, with me on Baffin Island, and him down here, what future did we have? Some shared leave a few weeks a year at most. But when I considered the sterility of my life as it was now, even that was bounty beyond imagination.

He slept for two hours, and even I dozed. Mostly I looked at him. In sleep the lines I'd noticed lessened but there was no doubt the years had taken their toll. How many of those lines were mine, I wondered? If we had been together, would life had been easier or harder for him? He would probably say that he wouldn't have wrinkles so much as scars but he had always been a willing participant in our adventures. I wanted to take him home with me - show him the ice bergs floating in the sound in summer, take  him camping ... spend the winter darkness making love and talking. But Pond Inlet was too small - he could work in Cambridge Bay if he were to immigrate ... or come as my spouse. You're getting ahead of yourself, Benton, I thought.  It  would be easier for me to try and return to America. But as I looked around his cramped room, remembering our brief excursion outside this morning, I knew I could never return to the city. Not even for Ray.

I had dozed off briefly and woke to find him looking at me and smiling. "And people call me lazy."

"Huh. You've been asleep for hours,  Ray. I was merely resting my eyelids."

"I believe you, Fraser. Some wouldn't." He stretched. "Fuck, I'm starving." I remembered we had only had a few snatched bites of danish for breakfast, and it was after one o'clock. Right on cue, my stomach rumbled and we both laughed. "Ok, ok, lunch coming up. We could go out again - or I could just do some proper grocery shopping."

"Whatever you like, Ray. I'm on vacation, it's your home, I'm a guest. I claim the privilege of not making the decision here," I said grandly

"Oooh, living up on the ice bergs has made you a lazy son of a bitch, hasn't it, Benton Fraser?"

"Well, it's done wonders for my love making technique, or at least I haven't had any complaints yet."

"None at all, buddy. One happy customer here. One happy, _hungry_ customer."

It took a while for us to actually get dressed and out the door because neither of us were willing to keep our hands off the other. Mouths were too easy to kiss, a hug was more important than tying a shoe lace.

"Be-en," he complained," I'm starving."

"So am I, Ray," I said as I took his mouth again, making it plain exactly what food I wanted.

He pushed me back. "Jesus, we've got two weeks. I'm gonna be a wreck."

"I have a lot of making up to do," I said seriously.

"We both have," he replied, equally seriously. "But, if you don't let me get some food, you're gonna be humping a dried out skinny old corpse."

I appeared to give the idea serious consideration until he thumped me, and I chased him out of the apartment.

We decided the occasion warranted red meat in vast quantities, so he took me to a steak house. The simple act of watching him eat brought me so much pleasure that I knew my brains were truly addled - probably incurably so. I distracted myself by asking what his work involved now. He pulled a face. "Vice is rough - better than Narcotics though. Didn't get on with the captain there - he was friends with Sam Franklin, remember him? There's a few cops around who weren't too thrilled about me taking him down, even a few who thought I shoulda let Beth Botrelle die rather than show up a dirty cop, can you believe that? That's how I got Elaine - she was the only one prepared to work with me. Well the joke's on them, cos she's the best partner I've ever had."

"Should I be feeling insulted, Ray?"

"Well, no offence, buddy, but much as I love ya, you _were_ going to get me killed one of these days. Elaine's careful, and damn smart -  she makes a great hooker too." I choked on my soda. " _Undercover,_ Fraser. Dirty-minded Canuck. But she can't do that at the moment."

"The fact she's pregnant doesn't bother you?"

"It doesn't bother her, so why should it bother me? Not every cop has to go flying out windows, you know."

The affection in his voice belied the cutting words, and I suspected that perhaps his present style of policing was occasionally a little too sedate for Ray - I had not, after all, forced him to drive through windows on a motorcycle.

He filled me in on my fomer colleagues in the Chicago PD - he was well informed thanks to his continued contact with Francesca. Lieutenant Welsh had made Captain and was going to retire this year. He also knew about Ray Vecchio and was surprisingly conciliatory. "The poor guy - he took forever to get over Stella's death. He couldn't settle - sold out in Florida, moved back here, hated it. Even went to Canada to be with Frannie for a while until Turnbull drove him nuts. Finally his mom convinced him to go on holiday to Australia and boom! Five minutes after he's there, he meets this woman and it's love at first sight."

"You thought that would happen to me, didn't you? That I would meet someone to replace you."

He nodded sheepishly. "Yeah - I kept hoping Frannie would tell me you'd married. When you stopped writing to her, I ... I pretended it was because you had made other friends. That's when I decided to marry Janice. Screwed up big time, didn't I?"

There was no getting around this. "Yes, you did. But it's in the past. "

"Ben," he asked, risking a discreet touch to my hand, "would you like to get out of Chicago for a few days? I know of some cabins to rent up on Lake Geneva, and we could be alone." He meant away from judgmental eyes. The idea was very appealing and I agreed readily.

He was able to make the booking quickly and we were on our way out of the city in two hours. It felt eerily like the last time we were alone together, on our way to make love and to settle our relationship. Last time, I had no inkling of what lay ahead. This time, I thought I knew. I was beginning to hope that we were putting down the foundations of a new phase of our long friendship, and that the barren years may just have been a necessary proving time for our love. Of course, they may have just been an enormous waste of time that we could have spent loving each other, but I chose to be positive about it. Human beings have a poor memory for pain.

The cabins would be popular in summer but now in Fall, were mostly empty and we had privacy. The rustic style hid well-appointed, modern contruction and it was positively luxurious compared to my father's shack. Ray was eager to show me the views  - getting away from his dim apartment seemed to liberate him. We stood and looked out at the lake, my arms wrapped around him, him leaning back into me. "It's very beautiful," I said.

"Tell me about Pond Inlet," he asked almost shyly.

"It's not like this - it's tundra. I live right on the beach and there are mountains and the ocean - the sound is already frozen. It's a wildlife paradise for birds - you'd love it, Ray. I want to show you it."

"Are you happy there?"

"I could learn to be - now. I have all the necessities of life, and Dief. The community is close knit - mainly Inuit."

"Do you have friends?"

"No," I admitted.

He twisted in my arms. "Because of me?" I nodded. "Ben - I don't understand. Everyone you met down here liked you."

"I'm a coward, Ray. I was afraid of being hurt. I should know by now that shutting myself off from people is no way to live."

"I'm sorry, Ben."

He looked miserable. I kissed him gently and hugged him tight. "Ray, it was my own decision. Many people suffer worse and do better - you did better. Now I know that even if we part and never see each other again, I have a duty to try and enjoy life."

"I don't want to part."

"Would you come up to me?"

I held my breath but he shook his head regretfully. "I got a job here, Ben. I got responsibilities to the community." Something in my face made him laugh a little. "It's all your fault anyway - you're the one who made me realise how important being a cop was. You did your job too good."

"I'm glad, and I'm proud of you."

"But hey, I get vacations, so do you - we can see each other sometimes?" He looked so hopeful, so worried, and my heart melted.

"Of course - I hoped you would feel that way."

"I know it's not everything..."

"But it is enough."

"Yeah - and I can call, and write ..."

"There's email, voicemail ..."

"Strippergrams..."

"Now that's just silly, Ray."

We walked back to the cabin hand in hand. "I miss Dief," he admitted.

"He misses you too. He reminds me often."

"He talks about me?"

"Yes - I tried to discourage him, but you know what he's like."

"Sure I do." He kissed me. "Was he the only one who missed me?"

"Of course, Ray," I said with a grin.

Supper was sandwiches and tinned soup in front of the real fireplace.  "You know, Ben, I've had this fantasy of making love in front of a fireplace ever since I was old enough to know what making love was."

"Well, that's a coincidence - so have I."

Our dishes were pushed aside and he began to undo my clothing with an intent, serious expression, one almost of reverence, his eyes smoky with desire. He batted away my hands as I tried to assist my unrobing until I gave up and let him do it his way. He removed my shirts and sweater until I was bare to the waist. The only illumination in the room was from the fire, and the play light and shadow on his thin angular face made him look un-human - almost like the wolf who missed him. He touched the skin on my chest.  "You know, when I would have sex with Janice, I would close my eyes and I could see you. If I really tried, I could even smell you sometimes." He trailed his hand down to my waistband and up again, making me shiver, then he cupped the back of my head and kissed me deeply, his other hand placed flat over my heart. I went to take his shirts off, but he moved back. Keeping his eyes on me the whole time, he slowly undid his buttons and stripped off the layers of clothing. Unlike my pale Northern skin, his was gold in the firelight - his body all bone and muscle and tendons, with not an ounce of spare flesh on him. As I watched him, he slipped off his jeans and boxers, then sat on his knees, looking at me with a dizzying mix of love and desire.

He reached for my waist button and undid it, unzipping the fly. He let me take my jeans off but the second I had shed them he claimed me, pushing me back onto the thick rug and kissing his way up and down my body.  I became aware he was speaking softly to me in between his gentle kisses.

"I love you, Benton Fraser. I loved you all the time you were gone. I wish I'd cut my tongue out. I dream of you all the time. No one compares to you, no one was a better friend. "

"Ray - my love ..."

He reached up and put a gentle finger on my lips. "No, I need to do this, need to say it. I've waited five years to do this, and I never thought I would get the chance. Let me?"

I nodded, and he ran a warm hand down my flank and wrapped it carefully around my erection. "I wanted you to be happy. I couldn't make you happy - I couldn't make Stella happy and she left and she died. I wanted ... I wanted so much for you, Ben. You understand? I loved you too much to keep you."

I couldn't stay silent. "I loved you too much to forget you," I whispered.

He looked at me with wide dark, pain-filled eyes. "That wasn't the plan. Thought you'd forget - the way Stella forgot...." He lowered his eyes, hiding them from me. Stella hadn't forgotten him, I knew that. She had married another man, but she never forgot Ray. The way Ray never forgot me. He learned the wrong lesson from her death.

He bent over me and gently licked the length of my erection, then settled himself so he could rest his head on my thighs. He played with the hairs on my leg for a while, occasionally stroking my testicles or my softening penis. His desire had dampened as he thought about his lost loves, but I was content to watch him watching me. I rested my hand on his hair and rubbed the short bristles. I wondered why he had cut it so short - it made him look older. I remembered what he looked like when I first met him - flat hair cut in the 'Roman' style. He looked about fifteen in his huge overcoat but he soon proved he was one tough and very brave adult man. I think my romantic interest in him really started that day, but we flirted with each other, fought with each other for two years until I finally accepted my feelings had gone well beyond simple friendship on our adventure to find the Hand of Franklin. It was too late now - but if I had not waited until the day of Stella's funeral to declare myself, I wondered if he might have been willing to let me try and work things out with him. Ah well.

Ray was now stroking my leg in long sweeps with one hand and his other hand was warm on my stomach, twitching every now and then which felt strangely erotic. My penis appreciated the sensation and Ray looked at it, looked at my face and then took my erection into his mouth.  He appeared to not be trying to bring me to orgasm - instead he used his tongue, swirling delicately over the glans, gently suckling. Of course it was arousing, but it was also relaxing. I was in no hurry, nor was he. He seemed to just want to explore, to taste. It was romantic in a way I would never have imagined having my penis in another man's mouth would be. His hand on my stomach began to move rhythmically, carefully and I realised he was matching the movement of his tongue. It was slow, it was intensely pleasurable and when I came it was the longest climax I'd ever experienced. He kept me in the wet warmth of his mouth, delivering little licks, his hand still stroking and petting me. He looked at me and smiled.

"Come here?" I asked and he scooted up into my arms, lying on top of me. "I love you, Ray. I want to say that to you every day."

"You only love me for my blowjobs, Ben."

"Gosh darn it, Ray. You've found me out."

"S'okay Fraser, I only love you cos you taste so good. Feel so good too." His erection was nestled in the hollow of my hip and he was making unenergetic thrusts, barely more than rocking, but clearly enough to give him pleasure. I stroked that long back of his down to his buttocks and back. He took my hand and sucked on my fingers sending tingles straight to my groin and I knew what he wanted. As he rocked and thrust I put my fingers into him, which made him squeeze his eyes shut in pleasure. I kept hold of him, moving my hand a little to match his rhythym and then I felt the heat of his semen on my skin. He lay on top of me, not speaking, his chest heaving, giving a little wriggle of delight as I moved my fingers inside him.  "Definitely gonna wear me out, Ben."

"I'll make it my mission, Ray."

I could tell he was ready to sleep despite it being early, and I suppose I was getting soft but the idea of spending a night in the nude on the floor, even if on a rug, buried under a not insubstantial body had less appeal than the comfortable bed I knew awaited us. I nudged him. "Ray, as a blanket you make a wonderful lover."

"Mmmm."

"Don't want to move?"

"Nuh-uh."

Time to see if I was as fit as I thought I was. I rolled him off me and he lay on the rug looking at me with sleepy, sated annoyance which turned to complete shock as I knelt, picked him up and threw him over my shoulder in a fireman's lift. " Put me the _fuck_ down, Fraser!"

"Bed, Ray."

"I can walk, dammit!"

" _Bed,_ Ray." Despite his shouts, struggles and pounding on my back I managed to get him into the bedroom and onto the bed. He jumped up immediately and tackled me.

"Bastard! Nobody carries me, you hear?"

"But I just did, Ray," I said demurely, now once again pinned on the floor under 150 pounds of angry cop.

He hit my chest. "Don't ever do that again, or I'll kick you in the head."

"Not even if you're in a building which is on fire?"

"Not even then, buddy. I got a rep to maintain."

"Understood. But as we _are_ in the bedroom, may I suggest we adjourn these proceedings?"

He maintained his pretence of anger until he had me firmly clasped in his arms, still muttering 'bastard' and other epithets under his breath. But his kisses on the top of my head and the way his hand played over my chest and nipples told me I was forgiven, almost, and his increasingly drowsy voice told me he was seconds from sleep. Which he was.

And so our few days passed. Making love, walking. Talking. Most of all, talking. Revisiting past pain with the surety that it was over, trying, and usually failing, to make sense of our decisions and our actions.  We both realised the only way to go forward was to look forward, and he was insistent that I had to make a proper life for myself in Canada, instead of the holding pattern I had frozen into. "Ben, it's your _home._ You have to have friends. I wouldn't be enough even if I lived there. And it's not you. The Benton Fraser I know had people around him all the time."

"You're right. And I will try. But what about you? What are your plans?"

"Gonna go for a captaincy next year. Might have to move precincts and that'd be tough unless I can persuade Elaine to move too. IA has put out a couple of feelers - they think I'm a natural ," he said with some bitterness. "But I didn't become a cop to take down other cops."

"But you still want to be a police officer."

He nodded. "You know, when you left, I did some thinking.  I'd been undercover for so damn long, been married for longer, I didn't know who I was any more. Then I knew there were two things about me for sure - I love you, and I was a cop. You gave me those things, Fraser. I did what I had to do to make you happy, I thought, and all I had left was being in the PD. And that was a good thing - you do the thing that's true to yourself and it makes you happy. Hurting you - that wasn't good, that wasn't being true to me. And marrying Janice - that was wrong, cos I didn't feel it in here, " he said touching his chest. "So you coming back, that gives me a chance to do the right thing, by me, by you. It feels good, Fraser." He gave me a shy smile.

"I'm glad, Ray. To know oneself is a gift."

"Elaine got it first time. She wanted to be a cop, and she knew why and she's good - good for me."

"She's a wonderful person, Ray. A good friend."

"I'm a lucky bastard, Fraser."

"We both are, Ray."

The pride I felt in  having inspired two such outstanding officers as Ray and Elaine was comparable, I thought, to having children.  If I were taken from this world tomorrow, they would be my legacy. But then the thought of dying and leaving Ray so soon after finding him again made me feel cold inside. I had to hold him closer. He smiled at me and although he didn't understand my need to hold him thus, he willingly wrapped himself around me and buried his face in my neck. Like this, he wasn't Lieutenant Ray Kowalski, cop - he was just Ray, my love, my lover. And precious beyond measure.

 

* * *

Our romantic interlude was over too quickly and Ray had to return to work. However, he had the inspiration of asking his captain if I could ride along with Elaine and himself for the week as an 'observer'. I forbore from explaining that the small community in which I was based had a very low crime rate and nothing even remotely resembling the type of crime handled by Vice. Fortunately my reputation, even after five years, meant elaborate explanations were unnecessary - the captain actually asked me about the RCMP methods of dealing with certain matters although I did notice a certain loss of attention after an hour and a half. Elaine was delighted to have me along and for my part, I thoroughly enjoyed myself, not just because Ray was with me, but because the front line policing was about the only aspect of Chicago life I had missed. I witnessed their tight partnership in action - they made an excellent team, Elaine's softly spoken intelligence providing a perfect counterpoint to Ray's brashness which he could use so effectively to intimidate a suspect. Several arrests were made, and I like to think I made a modest contribution to their success. But my worries about Ray's job were considerably eased by seeing him work with Elaine - they were both in good hands.

Being busy meant the week passed too fast, and all the love-making in the world could not delay the inevitable. Ray drove me to the airport on Friday evening. I think he was overcome by _deja vu_ as much as I was, so he carefully made sure to park and walk me to the terminal, instead of just dropping me off as he used to do. We'd said our private goodbyes earlier and now were constrained by being in public from any display of affection. We'd agreed that he would come to me  in the spring, and if I could, I might get away before then. We both knew that the separation would be hard - but nothing near as hard as the past few years.

We made the mindless chitchat that airport farewells seemed to require until my flight was called. "OK, Ben. This is it. You got my email address and I got yours. So we're all set."

"You take care, Ray. I'll see you sooner than you think."

He gave me a cheerful grin and as I walked to the departure gate, I saw him give me the signal we had long ago used - a finger laid along his nose. Everything's OK. I waved at him and walked through, away from him - carrying him with me as I had all these years. The difference was, now I knew I had what I needed.

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written nearly twenty years ago under another pseudonym. It hasn't been revised (or reread by me) since then.
> 
> I am posting this and my other stories from this period purely so people can read them if they choose. I won't be reading comments, and don't care if you leave kudos. I'm dumping them and running.
> 
> Having said that, I worked hard on them, and I hope they still entertain someone out there.


End file.
